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By Aura the Rock Starr
SCENE ONE
(PETE standing in the middle of his bedroom, pant-less)
PETE: Aura, 'ave you
seen me white pants?
AURA: *enters room* I saw them last night when you took them off! *giggling*
PETE: *rolls
eyes* Yeh, but now where are they?
AURA: *shrugs* How should I know? *skips out of room*
PETE: *goes to cupboard*
Oh well, I 'ave anovvah 37 pairs o' white pants. *opens cupboard* Hmm... *screams*
AURA: *walks back in* What?!?
PETE:
Me white pants 'ave all gone MISSIN'!
AURA: *rolls eyes* Brandy? *offers Pete a bottle*
PETE: *crying* 'Ow
can you even fink about BRANDY at a taime laike this?!?
AURA: *raises eyebrows* Wow. You refused Brandy! This must
really be upsetting you! *opens the bottle*
PETE: Nononononononononono!!!
SCENE TWO
(KEITH, JOHN, ROGER, PETE and AURA are sitting around the kitchen table discussing the disappearance of
PETE's pants)
KEITH: 'Ooh would want tah steaw Paits bleddy pants anyway?
JOHN: *nods*
ROGER: Cor, I jast
'ope no-one tries tah steaw me fringe!
AURA: *giggles*
PETE: Why? Why me PANTS?!? Me white PANTS?!?
AURA:
Duh, 'cause you weren't wearing them?
KEITH: I don' wanna know 'at...
PETE: *pouts* I want me PANTS BACK!
ROGER:
I mean, if someone stowe me fringe...
JOHN: Shurrup Rog.
KEITH: I 'ope they don' come back!
ROGER: And
what if they liked me fringe so mach they came back fer MORE?!?
(JOHN, KEITH, PETE and AURA all stare at ROGER)
ROGER:
Wha'?
PETE: Look, we were discassin' what tah do abaht me PANTS!
AURA: Take 'em off! *claps at her own pathetic
joke*
KEITH: Nooooooooo!!!!!!!!!! *covers eyes*
ROGER: And if they laike Pete's pants, an' me fringe... then
they maight cam aftah Jun's BLACK!
JOHN: WHAT?!? *gasps* Not me BLACK! Anyfin' but me BLACK!
ROGER: Yeh, an'
then they'll go aftah Moonie's mod stuff, and Aura's... Aura what d'you wear?
AURA: Me green woolhat. *places hands
on head as to protect GREEN WOOLHAT*
PETE: Oh fuck this! *walks off*
AURA: What was that all about?
KEITH:
*shrugs*
SCENE THREE
(One week later. PETE is sitting in front of the TV, still pant-less, with a bottle of
BRANDY)
AURA: *enters lounge* Pete! Put some pants on man!
PETE: *burps* No!
AURA: Yes!
PETE:
No!
AURA: Yes!
PETE: No!
AURA: Yes!
PETE: NO!
AURA: *screams* YES!!!!!!!
PETE: *scared*
O'right... *slouches off to room*
SCENE FOUR
(THE WHO--> on stage, PETE wearing plain blue jeans*
PETE: It's jas' not that same...
ROGER:
Shut up fer a minute... We're about to start!
JOHN: My Generation, right?
KEITH: YEH!!!!!!!!!!!
(The
Who--> perform MY GENERATION, but it is a terrible performace. The bass, vocals and drumming are fantastic, but the lead
guitar...)
ROGER: PAIT! Yah wankah, yah screwed us up royally!
JOHN: I didn't know anyone could play that bad.
KEITH:
I mean really dear boy, what do the white pants do?
PETE: *eyes filling with tears* They jas' 'ELP ME! I can't perform
wif'out me white PANTS! *runs off crying*
AURA: *down in the audience* YOU SUCK!
SCENE FIVE
(THE
WHO-->'s dressing room, PETE is sitting in a chair, crying)
PETE: *cries* I miss me PANTS!
(Knock on door)
PETE:
Sod off...
(Door opens)
Aura: *enters room* Pait, I 'ave a pressie fer you!
PETE: Go 'way... Don' wanna
fucking present, I want me PANTS!
AURA: *rolls eyes* Just open it! *hands PETE a large wrapped parcel*
PETE:
*listlessly opens parcel* Oh my GOD! It's-it's-it's-
AURA: WHITE PANTS!
PETE: *pulls a pair of WHITE PANTS out
of parcel* I'm gonna put them on now! *pulls jeans off*
AURA: *ogling PETE in his semi-nakedness* Ooooooh baby!
PETE:
*grinning* WHITE PANTS! *runs out of dressing room*
Aura: Well 'e's sure 'appy!
SCENE SIX
(THE WHO-->
are yet again onstage)
ROGER: Magic Bus!
PETE: YEH!!!!!!!
(As the song ends, Pete goes into a wild guitar
solo, upstaging even KEITH, but ROGER gives AURA a thumbs up)
JOHN: And now 'e's back tah normaw.
SCENE
SEVEN
(The next morning, at home, we see KEITH, AURA, PETE and JOHN sitting at the kitchen table)
ROGER: *yelling
from upstairs* Hey... what 'appened to me FRINGE?!?
KEITH, AURA, PETE and JOHN: Oh... fuck...
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