Aura: EEEEEEEEEEHHHH! PETE!!!

          Jen: *starts singing to Keith* I want you......so baaaaaaaaad baby!

          Pete: Eh you just want Pictures of Lily so you can wank to it I bet!

The strong force of the water is enough to knock both Pete and Aura onto the ground.

          Jen: *smiling* Okay.

Jen: *who's been walking around stark naked because the only pair of clothes she has got soaked in the rain and Keith is letting her dry them in the clothes dryer* Keith! Hide me!

Pete: Maybe a ghost did it. *smirks*

Pete: GHOST! You come out right now!

Jen: Keeeeith, they're going to find me in here...naked!!

Pete: S'alright Aura babe, 's only stupid ol' Keef.

Jen: KEITH! Isnt there anywhere you could hide me for now or anything till my clothes are dry??

Jen: *giggles, thinking "Oh my god, I'm going to be in KEITH MOON'S BED!!!" and heads off to his bedroom quickly*

John: Mus' be, cos no one else has keys to the house.

John: Dammit. Gonna have to change me locks now...

Jen: *giggling insanely under the covers of Keith's bed*

Pete: SEE? Toldja it was just Keef.

Pete: Knock it off, retard. *smacks Keith upside the head*

Pete: *walks around proudly*

John: Shurrup Rog. Let 'im have his five minutes of fame.

Pete: Yes, yes, I know...

John: *who's been timing this* Olright, 5 minutes are up!

Roger: *punches Pete in the jaw, knocking him out* Nope, I am!

Roger: OWWWWWWWW!!!!!!! *dies on the floor in pain*

Jen: *mumbling and softly singing to herself* I wanna shag Moonie...I wanna marry Moonie...I wanna have Moonie's babies...I want him to do me now!!!

Roger: WHY THERE????

Roger: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Not me manhood!!!

Roger: *cupping himself with his hands* PLEASE not me manhood!!!

John: Manhood? I didn't know you had a manhood...you certainly look like a gahl to me...

John: Why? I just call 'em as I see 'em.

John: Thank you.

Jen: *continues chanting the Moonie mantra until she falls out of the bed* OW!!

Roger: *screams like a girl* AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW DARE YOU!!!!!!!

Roger: That's IT!!!! She'll prolly go off tellin' the press or some crap, and we'll be finished! So fuck you all, I QUIT THE BAND! *storms out of the house indignantly*

John: Oh.....kay.....

John: *glares at Keith* How can you even say that?! We jus' lost our lead singah!

John: NO! Neithah of ya are gonna be singah! I WANT ROG BACK!

John: No, Keef canNOT sing!! He nevah has been able to and nevah will cos I'M GETTIN ROG BACK!

Pete: But *I* plaiy guitar!!

Keith: Yeah, Jun...I like 'er idea bettah! I'm leavin' the band too!

Pete: I am *not* being a groupie.

Pete: *eyes light up* REALLY??? Ya mean it??? Could we--???

John: *glares more at Aura* NO, I'm NOT leavin' the 'Oo, and I'm not bein' in yer stupid arse band!

Pete: *dreamily* I wanna be an arse bandit when I grow up...

John: *bites his lip and goes off into a corner to brood*

Pete: Shurrup, Keef.

Jen: *notices the window isn't glass--it's Plexiglas!!!! Unable to be broken!!!* Fucking hell...'m TRAPPED!!! Acccckkkkk trapped like a rat!!!

John: But I live 'ere.

Pete: *in a state of confusion* Wot the 'ell was all that, then?

Jen: *peeking from behind the bedroom door* Are they all gone...?

Jen: *walks out of the room blushing deeply, still wearing Keith's very over-sized for her clothes*

Pete: Well, um...back to my plaice, I guess?

Pete: *carries Aura to his car, puts her in, and then drives off to his flat*

Jen: You're...you're sure that nobody else will mind...?

Jen: Couldn't they just break the door down though?

Jen: Well.....okay....what do you want me to do for you first, then? You said you'd have me sort of keep house for you so I could stay...

Jen: *giggles* Yer evil...

Jen: But I'll do as you wish, to stay my keep, my Lord...

Jen: *kneels down at his feet, and gently takes his right hand and kisses it several times, and then gets up and heads off to the hallway* Where's John's room? And what would you like me to sort the drawers by?

Jen: *looks a bit shocked for a moment* Well...um...is there any...um...type of order you'd like me to organize them in, then?

Jen: *innocently* As you wish, Lord Moon. Where would you like me to put them in your room? *bows down and kisses his feet*

Jen: *totally clueless* As you wish. How long would you like me to stay there?

Jen: Alright. *kisses his hand again and then heads off into John's room to 'organize'*

Jen: *poking her head outta John's room* What was that, Master?

Jen: *goes back into the room, and moments later brings a large cardboard box into Keith's bedroom*

Jen: *is about to go out to tell Keith she finished the job already, and then remembers the bit about staying on the bed, so climbs onto the bed, and starts counting ceiling tiles for lack of anything better to do*

Jen: *starts going through the box of assorted items, just out of curiosity* Hmm...these are awfully strange toys...a toilet plug...a plunger...an enema bag....some springs...a leash and collar...handcuff...a di-- *drops it* EWW! Wot the hell's JOHN want with that??

Jen: I finished the first task you gave me, my Lordwhat next?

Jen: *eyes bug slightly* I--I--well, if you wish!

Pete: Wot the 'ell are you doin'?

John: Wot?? 'S just a spidah!! And I love it! Wot's the big problem?? *doesn't get a response, and sighs* Fine...Surry Boris, you 'ave to go 'ome for a while...*slides Boris into his pants*

John: Um....yeh....*turns pink*

Pete: *sighs* Since I'm obviously not wanted 'ere....can I go to the 'ore'ouse?

Pete: And Aura? Remember that you love PETER TORK. So YOU don't have a say in it. *to Rog* Fuck off Rog, you're staying 'ere.

Pete: Not wot you said earlier...

*ENTER: PeterT*

Pete: See? Toldja you wanted him more...

PeterT: *excitedly* REALLY??

PeterT: *who's holding Aura* Sooooo...now what?

PeterT: Wha's that?

PeterT: *from the other room* What...what're you doing with my clothes?!

John: See Rog? It IS possible to be dumber than you!

PeterT: AAAAHHH!!!!! MY DUCKY!!!!! YOU BIT MY DUCKY!!!!!!!!

John: *looks to Rog*

John: Ducky's wot we're callin it now, eh? Well then, 'ow's yer ducky, Rog?

Jen: *to Keith, after he finishes what he'd been working on since hours earlier* What tasks do have for me now, Master?

PeterT: Wow...ducky grew up into a MALLARD!

Jen: *hangs her head* No, I didn't...but I'll do whatever you expect, master...

Jen: I can go do the laundry, wash the windows, mop the floors, get you something to eat or drink, sweep the porch, dust the house, or anything else you wish from me...after all, 'tis what you told me I've gotta do to keep my stay.

PeterT: *sniffling* My little ducky grew up into a....a...a grown up ducky!!! *sobs*

Jen: But that was what she said she wanted from Peter....not what you wanted from me...you're my master, not Aura...

Peter: It was? 'Ow come ya nevah told me?

PeterT: Yeh...I wan' my ducky back!

Jen: *starts humming to song Beware of the Naked Man silently to herself*

PeterT: *worriedly* I hope so...

PeterT: *serenades his Ducky*

Jen: *wants to ask him what in the hell he's doing, but remembers that she can't speak unless spoken to*

Jen: Oh, nothin, nothin...just awaiting my next orders, my Lord, since my whole purpose in life now is to do nothing but serve you.

Jen: However you'd like. It's never to be up to me, it's up to you, for you're my Master.

PeterT: *overhearing the squeaking bedsprings* Aura?? I thought you said that we weren't supposed to jump on the beds!

PeterT: *gets up and starts jumping on the bed* WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pete: ...So?

Pete: 'Oo cares?! It was a bleedin' SPIDAH! 'S not normal for 'im ta keep spidahs as pets.

Pete: Wot's that mattah to ME, though? Doesn't affect my like none. Just makes mine bettah, knowin' John's unhappy. *grins evilly*

PeterT: Does...does this mean...I'm not as good as Ringo? *cries*

PeterT: I don't snore as god as Ringo, do I?

PeterT: Wot about last night, though?

PeterT: Wow Roger, what a way to state the obvious!

Pete: *gasps and has a heart attack*

PeterT: Wot? What'd I do?

PeterT: WHAT?!

Pete: *dying on the floor* help....me.....

PeterT: *looks extremely hurt and crushed*

Pete: *sputters out* 911...*passes out cold*

John: I didn't know Pete was s'posed to have purple skin...

PeterT: *spying through the window*

PeterT: *assumes that this is a kiss and freaks out* I KNEW IT!!!!!! You DID still love him all along!!!! What'm I, chopped liver?! You...you...you floozy! I can't believe you! *goes out to the Monkee mobile*

PeterT: *bashes the windshield of the Monkeemobile*

PeterT: *still in a flying rage* Better question, what are YOU doing in here?!

PeterT: FUCK!!!!!!! *gets out of car and slams the door so hard the windows rattle* Wait, I just cussed...well....FUCK!

Roger: *notices everyone looking at him now* Oh, don't lookit ME!

Roger: *looks offended* Be-atch.

Roger: NO!

Roger: HEY!!!! *decks Peter and knocks him out in one blow*

Roger: *goes cross-eyed, biting his lip, and falls to the floor, holding "himself"*

Mike: Well, he can't be silent all the time, can he?

Pete: *looks at him funny* You don't know John, do ya?

Mike: *points to the open door, stage left* Through that door right there.

John: Well neither'm I!

John: Tha's it, I'm outta this fic. *walks out door, stage left*

PeterT: I'm still mad at you!! So since you don't want me.....I'll leave, too! *thinks he's being smart even though he's still obviously an idiot, and imitates John, leaving*

Pete: *pets Aura's hair* Awww, s'alright luv, s'alright....you didn't want him anyway, remembah? Yer with me now!

Micky: Really, Rog, and I thought you were a man whore....*shakes head in disbelief*

Micky: Roger, you ARE a monkey.

Micky: Are you mocking my band?? *towers over Roger*

Micky: Alright, we're taking this outside!! *picks Roger up by the back of his neck, drags him outside, and proceeds to beat the living hell out of him*

Micky: *returns a few minutes later, wiping his hands off, and calls over his shoulder* Let that be a lesson to ya! Don't you EVER talk like that about the Monkees again! *grins*

Pete: *runs in* 'Ey Keef! Rog just got beat up by a Monkee! *realizes Keith is naked* Uh, erm....right.

Pete: Yeah, so? 'E left!

Mike: And so'd Petah. What're we gonna do? We're short a musician now, you know.

Jen: *sits up annoyedly and glares at Mike and Mickey* Do you guys MIND?! Can't you see that we're busy here?!

Jen: *doesn't seem to care that she's stark naked, walks up to Micky and scratches across his face with her long nails* YOU! Out!!

Jen: Because he and Davy ARE the good looking ones!

Jen: *finally sinks in that she's standing in front of everyone naked* Um....eep? *crawls back into the bed next to Keith* You NEVER saw a thing!!

Jen: *turns pale* Oh......my....... *faints*

Mike: Gimme that. *snatches the camera out of his hair, looks at it for a sec*....Mine now! *dashes out of the room*

Mike: *runs faster and out to the Monkeemobile* 'Ere, take it!! *tosses it to Davy*

Mike: DON'T go over the film on there!!! *sees Aura catching up to him* Develop that film...nudie pictures!!! *runs away before Aura can get a chance to kill him*

Mike: *runs as far as possible, trying to get Aura off his tail*

Mike: Uh....no, I'm not that dumb, not falling for that!

Mike: *shakes head* Nope, nope, not gonna believe that junk and get made a fool of.

Mike: Well.....*thinks about this a moment* How do I KNOW you're more trustworthy than Peter, and not just saying this?

Mike: Maybe...

Pete: I saw we take 'er to a vet.

Pete: Yeh, a veterinarian, ya know??"

Pete: She IS an animal!! Just lookit 'er!! And you saw wot she did to Micky!! And I got my dog fixed at the vet; and ya said you need 'er fixed, so...that's the plaice to go!

Pete: Cahn't shag 'er if she's broken!

Pete: Plus, you don' REALLY want lit'le Moonies runnin' around, do ya?! Nah, I thought not! Take 'er to a bleedin' VET!

Pete: Oh bloody 'ell....wot're the eyes for?

Pete: Only if you're payin' for it!

Pete: *looks incredulously at it* For my dog, it cost 500 quid to get 'im fixed!!

Pete: *grins* Olright, hand 'er ovah...

Pete: *puts the collar on Jen's neck and hooks the lead to it* Fink she needs any clothes, or...bring 'er in as is?

Pete: Eh screw it, they'd hafta take em off to fix 'er anywaiy, right? Right. So, I'll take 'er from 'ere...*picks her up and carries her over his shoulder, but stops at the door* You don't think Aura'll get the wrong impression or anyfink, wot wiv Jen bein' nekkid an' all...

Mike: HELLLLLLLLLLLLP!!!!!!!! SHE'S GONNA KILL ME!!!!!!!!!

Mike: *hides behind Pete* Hide me!!!! She's got a bloody knife!!

Mike: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NONONONONONONONONONOOO!!!!!

Pete: *lets Mike rip a chunk out of his pants, and runs to his own car, literally throws Jen down into the back seat, and gets into the driver's seat, ready to take off* Keys, keys, where're the bloody keys?!?!??!!?

Pete: *gets calmly out of the car* Aura, babe, I need the keys, I need the car. 'M only gonnah be gone a couple hours, plaise gimme the keys!

Pete: *snatches em up* Thank ya, luv. *kisses her gently* I promise, I'll make it worth yer while when I get back. *hears Jen starting to stir in the backseat* Ummm, I really gotta be going now, babe....bye! *hops into the car*

Mike: Hell Keith, put some clothes on! *covers eyes* Thought you were...in....bed?

Jen: *the sound of the horn waking her up fully* God, I'm dizzy...*looks around* What the--where am I?! This isn't Keithy's bed!!

Pete: Oh shit...*gets out of the car, making sure to lock the doors, and pops the hood open on the car, and starts bashing at the engine.* START!!!!!!!! START, YOU BLOODY PIECE OF CRAP!!!!!

Roger: *from living room window* Well, that's something you don't see every day.

Roger: Remember? John and Petah left?

Pete: *frustratedly goes back to the house and up to Keith* Keef, do vets maike house calls?

Pete: Wew, I'm gonna have to hope they do, cos the ruddy car won't work.

Roger: *being the stupid woman-beating piece of shite he is, slaps Aura across the face* KNOCK IT OFF!!!!

Pete: *saw what Roger did, and jaw drops to the floor* Olright, you...*rolls his sleeves up* You want a piece of me?!

Pete: Alright, girly man, you wanna fight like a sissy? You're a wuss, and someone needs to teach ya a lesson...*punches Rog in the stomach and knees him in the crotch before Rog can get the first blow in*

Pete: 'Ey Keef? I fink we're gonna need 2 vets now...

Pete: Good, no Daltrey's, and as soon as that car starts, no Moonies either! *does little happy dance, then hugs Aura and kisses her* I'm sorry luv, I wish I coulda stopped him sooner...

Pete: *holding her close to him* No, it's not. NO ONE'S allowed to treat you laike that.

Pete: *feels like an ice-pick was rammed through his heart when Aura says that* No, doll!! No no no! You're not worthless!! Not ta me!!

Pete: *squeezes her tight* Nooooooo! *doesn't know what to say to make her feel better* I....I love you, doll...

Pete: Course I do, luv!!! Why else would I say it??

Pete: *picking up Aura, and goes to carry her into the other room* 'Ey Keef? 'Ere's yer money back, go get Jen fixed on yer own....I uhhhh have work to do....*winks*

Micky: Looks like you can't even get into your own room now, Keith...

PeterT: *comes back in, stage right* I changed my mind. I got lonely.

PeterT: Well, I can still always do George. *grabs George Harrison outta nowhere*

PeterT: *speaks deliberatly loudly* It's too bad Aura isn't here, since Mr. STARKEY is out here!! *sits back in a recliner, waiting for Pete to come out all pissed off*

Ringo: *stands in the doorway of the house near PeterT, waiting for Aura to show up*

Pete: God dammit, which one of you lot invited 'im 'ere?!

Micky: Serves you right for stealing his bedroom!

Mickey: NO, Pete. KEITH'S.

John: (Entwistle) *re-enters the story at this point as well*

Roger: *still dying on the floor in pain* Looks like...all 'er dreams came true...

Pete: Keef? Does this mean we need THREE vets now?? I think we broke another one!

Pete: Oh yeh...hehe....*actually hands Keith back his money, along with the car keys, figuring he can't hurt the car since it won't start*

PeterT: But *I* wanna be the hero!! *pouts*

Pete: *sticks his tongie out at the guys, then gets down on his hands and knees. He moves Aura's tongue a bit so she stops gagging on it, and then sits her up a bit* You alright, luv?

Ringo: *picks Roger up off the floor* Look!

Pete: Oh, nothin, nothin at all! Just....little Townshend! *grins nervously*

Pete: Lil' Townshend! Ya know? Uh.....this? *drops his trousers*

Ringo: Wow, never seen someone so happy about their car baking to a crisp...

Pete: *feels so guilty that he thinks he's going to be sick* Um....pardon me a moment...*darts off to the bathroom to be promptly ill*

Jen: *screaming from inside the car* KEITH! NO! DON'T!!

Pete: OW! Dont kick!!! The Moonies are attacking me!!!

JohnE: *shakes head* Ya know, now we're gonna need to find a new drummah...

Jen: Keith...even though I know I'm not supposed to talk unless you say I can...since we're going to die, I..I have to say this...

Jen: *whispers into Keith's ear* I love you.

Jen: I....well...I wish it could be somewhere OTHER than a burning car...but since the doors are on fire even....looks like there's not even a way out, huh?

Jen: Keith....*really starting to panic* Don't you understand?? WE ARE GOING TO DIE!!! Isn't there anything you'd rather do in your last few moments?? Like...try'n save yourself? I don't want you to die just cos you were having a shag; you could go out and shag someone else...I don't wanna be the one responsible for your death!

Jen: Damn, I wish I had the script in this car so I could see if I'm gonna die now or not...

Jen: *flips through it quickly until finds the place in the scene they're at* *reads aloud* Jen and Keith fornicate in the car, while burning, and then--*turns page* Hey...HEY!!!! Keith!!! Where's the next page!? It goes from page 109 to 111!!! Where's 110?! How'll I know what happens?!

Jen: *starts pawing at the floor, the walls, the seats, while getting severly burned* FUCK!!! There HAS to be a way out!!! *sobs* I don't wanna die naked in a burning car!!!

Jen: But...but then you're without a shirt...and I still have to burn to death in a car!!

Jen: Well, yes, but...you'll get burned worse!!

Jen: *faints at the sight of Keith in tights*

Ringo: *whimpers like a puppy*

Ringo: WOOF WOOF! *pants with his tongue hanging out*

Jen: *starts moving around a bit, but not really awake*

Ringo: It? IT?? I'm a HE!!!

Ringo: *cries*

Jen: *sighs contentedly and rests her head against his chest* Where're we goin?

Jen: Ya don't, but...remember out agreement? I do all those things for you so you'll let me have a place to stay for a while, till you get sick of me.

Jen: *bites lip* Oh...well I guess that makes me just your little groupie then...like the rest of em...*sighs* Oh well, I should be glad I at least got to meet you anyway.

Jen: I do, but...it wouldn't be right. I can't just stay around, taking up space, breathing your air, using your stuff...without paying or anything back. And I've no money to pay rent with or anything. That's why I was gonna be your slave, and do everything you wanted

Jen: But...but...you said it's not even your house...it's John's....really, I don't think it'd be right...

Jen: But why, though? To you, I'm nothing more than a groupie. You can have all the groupies in the world you wanted! Why would you wanna keep one?

Jen: *for lack of a better comeback* You're just doing this because you CAN, aren't you?

Jen: You're just keeping me because you're ABLE to. You don't really want to, but you want the satisfaction of saying you have your own personal groupie.

Jen: *gulps, frightened by Keith's yelling* I..I dunno...

Jen: *still trembling* You...you could have any girl in the world...you could probably have most of em, too, if you tried...

Jen: *goes speechless for a couple seconds jaw dropped* You...you...want me? But...why?? I'm not pretty or anything...there's gorgeous girls you could have...are you drunk right now or something??

Ringo: *looks at his watch, and then at the script, and taps his foot impatiently* Ya know, they were supposed to come down a few minutes after they went up...wot in 'ell are they doin up there for so long?!

Jen: I...I dunno what to say...I guess if John says it's okay....but I'm still just a groupie though, I'm sure...so I know you'll only have me stay for a year or two, tops...but if it's okay with John...then i guess so

Ringo: REALLY??!?!? *breaks out his binoculars and looks* Are not!! Liar!

Ringo: Script says they hafta come down! They're not going by the script! *crosses arms* I'm jealous.

Jen: *nods* Any time you want to

Jen: *screams* KEITH!!!!! We're gonna crash!!!!

Jen: *shakily* Is...is that...the only way down?

Jen: *shakes head, clinging to him*

Jen: *still clinging to Keith even as he flies down*

Jen: *squints her eyes shut, biting her tongue and trying not to scream* *thinks "Don't drop me don't drop me don't drop me don't drop me" over and over*

Jen: *screams out of reflex* BE CAREFUL!!!

Jen: *shaking horribly* Please don't drop me or crash into anything or do anything else that's gonna hurt!!

Jen: I DON"T WANNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!

Jen: You may be a superhero....BUT I'M NOT!!

Jen: *still paranoid* Shouldn't we have reached the ground yet?!

Jen: *whimpers, terrified*

Jen: *through gritted teeth* Yeh, whatever you want...

Jen: *screams as she starts falling to the ground, because Keith dropped her when he clapped his hands*

Ringo: *shakes his head* He's gonna kill 'er before they even get ta the ground...

Pete: I still wanna send her to a vet to get 'er fixed....no little Moonies!!

Ringo: *smacks Pete upside the head* Yer not funny anymore, Pait.

Pete: 'Oo cares?? She's just a dumb groupie anywaiy, why should I care? It'll 'urt much less than what all them lil Keef's would do to us!

Ringo: *pouts* I think it'd be fun to play with all kinds of little Keiths...

Pete: OH GOD NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pete: You enjoy makin me life a living 'ell, don't you?

Pete: Damn straight I don't! I 'ate kids! They're whiny lit'le bastards with no purpose in life othah than to ANNOY ME!

Ringo: *puts his arm around Aura* Don't worry, babe...we could 'ave little Starkeys, if you want...

JohnE: My point exactly.

Ringo: I thought you wanted little Starrs!

PeterT: You told me you wanted mini Torks!

Pete: Get this through yer head.....THERE WILL BE *NO* MINI TOWNSHENDS!!!!!!!!!

Pete: Knock that off or I'll smash a guitah on you...and I'm not 'fraid to do it!

Jen: *screams* GUITAR FIGHT!!!!!!

*BOOM!!!!!*

Pete: *sits up* Owwwwwww......*looks down at himself* Ummm....now there REALLY won't be any Mini Townshends...

Pete: *shakes his head and passes out*

JohnE: Looks like 'e's the one that's broken now...

Pete: *wakes up, and points in the sky* I'LL FUCKING SUE YOU!!!

Jen: For what? I don't have a penny, Pete! What do you want, the shirt off my back that isn't even mine??

Pete: No, not really...but it'll put ya in jail!

Jen: There's a time and a place, Keith...

Jen: Yeah....kill Pete and itll be here and now...*winks*

Pete: Aaggghh!!! 'M all sticky!

The web that was suspending Jen in the air from Keith wrist finally breaks, and she falls to the ground, landing flat on her bum* Ow!! That hurt!...uh oh, uhhhh Keef? Pete doesn't look to happy...

Jen: Yeah, but...I think we overdid it this time for blowing up his mojo!

Ringo: Ya still have Tork-y and me over there though, right?

*Ringo and PeterT exit stage right*

Pete: NO!!!! It's not my house, but NO! YA CAN'T!

Pete: NEVAH!!

Jen: I guess that...well, he hates me now...'m sorry, Pete...I know this isn't money, or reimbursement really for the accident, but...it's all I've got. *takes the necklace off from around her neck and hands it to Pete* Maybe you could pawn it off for some money or something...my great-grandmother gave it to me, and it's pretty old, so it should be worth something...*sighs* I'm gonna miss you, Keith...*kisses him on the cheek*

JohnE: I hope you aren't going to 'ate the 'Oo now, cos of Pete..you know I'd let ya stay if it weren't for 'im.

Jen: *hugs John* Thanks..I know you would...Keith, can I have permission to go inside and get my clothes? You needn't have to go without a shirt cos of me.

Ringo: *points* Um, Aura? You DO realize that that's not Pait, right?.....'s a dummy. The real Pait left a couple minutes ago.

Ringo: *nods* Yep. Dunno where he went though.

Jen: *comes back out, fully clothed* Well...I guess this is goodbye, Keith...*collapses into his arms crying* I wish I didn't have to leave you, I love you so much...

Jen: *touches Keith's face gently with her fingertips* I'm going to miss you more than anything else in the world...*sighs, looking into his eyes*

Jen: I hafta leave....*takes a deep breath, holding back tears* because of him....*points to Pete*

Pete: WOT?! She's the one 'oo blew me mojo off!! She didn't wanna git kicked out, she shouldn't'a done it!

Pete: It won't be the saime, though! It won't be real!

Jen: I give up. I gave you all I have, that necklace. I'll leave now, and you'll never hafta see me again...*walks back down the path out front, but stops when she reaches where Keith is standing* I love you, Keith...I always have, I always will...*kisses him tenderly, and then pulls herself away and starts walking off down the street, into oblivion*

Pete: Thank god that's all done an ovah wif!

Jen: *stops* What're you doing?! Why're you leaving Ringo, and Peter?! You've got the guys of your dreams!!!!

Jen: *looks away, kicking at the ground* I really screwed things up this time, huh?

Jen: *wiping away a couple of tears that have welled in her eyes* I.....I guess that I should be glad that I even got to meet Keith for a little while...shouldn't i?

Jen: *sniffles, nodding* I know...but I'm just missing him so much already....god, I wasn't even with him a week, and I feel like I can't live without him...maybe this sounds wrong of me to say, but I wish Pete would drop dead, or someone would kill him, or something, so I could be with Keith. He's all I want.

Jen: 'E's got no mojo though...so doesn't that mean you'll have to just kill him? *eyes light up*

Jen: I don't care much either way what ya do, so long as I can be with Keith!

Jen: Wait.....does...does Keith look like....like he's liking it? *shifts nervously*

Jen: I thought Roger had better taste than that! Kill Pete!!!!!!!!!!! But DON'T hurt Keith!!

Jen: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH KEITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jen: *drops to her knees, praying aloud that Keith doesn't get hurt*

Jen: *doesn't wait for the smoke to clear, but drops to her knees, sobbing over Keith*

Jen: I know I don't HAVE to do it, but I will anyway...since I can't have Keith...and no, I WON'T get her, she was trying to do us a favor by murdering Pete!!

Jen: Yeah...thought that might change your mind...*forces a weak smile*

Jen: *screams* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! *throws herself on the ground, having a neurotic fit*

Jen: *throws herself out into the street* KILL ME!!!!!!! MURDER ME!!!!! I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT KEITH!!!!!

Jen: *sobs* Now Im hearing his voice...SHOOT ME NOW!!!!! PLEASE!!!!! KILL ME!!!!!.

Peter: Hey Davy, I think it was a girl!

JohnE: Nah...she wanted to be wiv Moonie....'cept Moonie's gone to Heaven, she's gone ta Hell....'er, tha' could be a song, Heaven and Hell...

JohnE: Well, ya know that Mike ran ovah yer groupie, right?

JohnE: *sarcastically* Oh yes, you're such a genius, Rog. Who would that be?

JohnE: Does Moonie even care? *looks to Keith* 'e seems awfully unaffected ta me...

JohnE: I figure either he finks he can git anothah groupie, or...'e really doesn't wan' one. *pouts and mumbles* wish i had one...

John: *sighs* Yeh...but that ungratful lit'le bastard doesn't even appreciate 'e can git ANY gahl 'e wants...'ell, I'd be 'appy wiv jus' about ANYONE, but 'im...*clenches fists* I 'ate 'im...

John: Yeh!!

PeterT: What about me?

PeterT: *nods*

PeterT: Ewwwww, she's all bloody...

PeterT: What was that for?!

PeterT: Pushing me!

PeterT: You did too, you pushed me right in front of the car and...*looks down and sees he's stepping on Jen's remains* and....*tries not to puke* you made me ruin my shoes!

PeterT: You saw her! You better say she did!

PeterT: Hey...look, this crash dummy talks!

PeterT: Yeah she's a crash dummy...the car crashed into her!

PeterT: *whimpers* i guess you didn't like ducky...

Jen: *rolls over as soon as Peter gets off of her to go die in privacy or something*

JohnE: Does this mean Im gonna get shagged??

John: *grins* See Rog?? See, Moonie?? now *I* get the gahl, and you guys don't have one! Muahahahaha!!! *runs off into the bedroom with her*

Jen: *with last few gasps* why don't you...and Keith...shag each other...

Jen: *tries to drag self across the ground to a medical facility, but realizes she can't, and gets stuck having to watch Keith and Rog shag each other's brains out*

PeterT: *slashes the tires of the Monkeemobile for lack of anything better to do*

PeterT: *shudders* That's nasty.

Jen: No stop, PLEASE stop!!!

Jen: *sniffles* I'm unloved.

PeterT: Even I knew that!

Jen: *in pain* She meant it in a BAD way!

Jen: Okay, not to sound conceited but...doesn't anyone CARE that Mike just ran over me?!

Jen: *is totally amazed that Mike is so intimidated by a girl*

Jen: No it wasn't....Aura, take 'im out back and....shoot 'im! Yeah, beat his arse!

Jen: Uhh....in case ya forgot, i don't like, own uhhhh ANYTHING! That's why I was gonna work for Keith?

Jen: Actually...don't kill him, just rough him up so bad he can't even walk!

Jen: *giggles* I KNOW Keith does...

Jen: Does...does this mean...I'm gonna be the...the....the next Heather Mills? *horrified*

Jen: But....but...I don't want Paul, I'm in love with Keith!!! *sobs*

Jen: I don't want Paul NEARLY as bad as I want Keith!! Keithers is THE one for me....I *can't* live without him....so no, I DONT want Paul, god bloody dammit!

Jen: *realizeing what she's just said was in public* Ahhh I mean...I'm delusional...

Jen: *sobs* I don't hate you, Paulie, just....Keith means more....you gotta understand...

Jen: *realizing she's done it again* I mean...damn! I'm VERY delusional...very sick, very verrrrrrrry sick...

Pete: HA! You all thought I was dead, didn't ya? DIDN'T YA? HAHAHAHA!!!!! I lived!!! *sees Jen* And I told you to GET THAT THING OUT OF HERE!!!

Jen: I'm....I'm surry...I...*takes a deep breath* Pete, I can't even walk anymore now cos of stupid Mike, but I'll leave. I will literally DRAG myself out. Heard there's a nice cardboard box down at the corner, I could live in that...

Pete: I...uh...sure!

Pete: Ohhhh no you don't, Keith! In case you forgot, I'm yer landlord....yer NOT keepin her here, that's final!

Pete: Wherever you want, darlin, it'll be what we do. *smiles*

Pete: Rogah, wtf is wrong with you??

Jen: *hugs Keith tightly around the waist before suddenly disappearing into thin air*

Pete: Riiiiiiight...does Roger need the straightjacket again?

Pete: *whose hands are all over Aura* Who cares?

Pete: So? 's just a useless ol groupie!

Pete: My lover!

Pete: Yer not useless....yer gonna be me wife!

Pete: Well, now that we've gotten rid of the old sewer rat, let's go about preparing the wedding, eh?

Pete: Uh...that's everyone!

Pete: Yeh, maybe I'll invite me brother Simon...

Pete: Yeh, but Simon's the closest to sane relative I've got

Pete: Looks like me

PeterT: She disappeared in a cloud of smoke....nah actually she's just on the side of the house.

PeterT: Special effects, ya know.

Pete: 'Ey, if my brother's hot, and he looks like me...that means 'm hot too!

Pete: 'Ow can I be hot wivout...wivout....me mojo?

Pete: *frowns* We'll nevah 'ave lit'le Townshends though....

Pete: I CHANGED ME MIND!!!!!!! *huffs* How else'm I gonna make me mini-Townshend-ian army?!

Pete: *grins dirtily* Even biggah than the original!

Pete: *grabs Aura in his arms, dips her backwards, and kisses her passionately* Mmm I love you so much....I tell ya what...'ow bout we go get me a new mojo right now...and ferget the big wedding, we'll get married right after, then we'll go SHAG!!

Pete: *laughing evilly* Yes, shagging, shaggin'g good, wahahahaa!!! I'll shag you, and then we'll shag again, and again, and again, and hell let's spend our lives shagging!!!

Ringo: Wow...I've never seen a guy with no dick be so horny before...

Pete: Oohhhhh....*doubles over* ....if we don't get me a new mojo soon.....oh god i think me balls are gonna burst! I NEED TA BE ABLE TO SHAG!!!!!!

Pete* runs off behind her, laughing evilly the whole way*

Pete: *thinks for a minute, scratching his chin* Actually...naaaah, not big enough....too thin...

Pete: Ummm....well, I dunno......these're just the ones in the windows, and, 'ey, we gotta live with this fer life, so we gotta pick a good one!

Salesman: *strolls out to where Pete and Aura are. He looks like a split between a hippie and an ex-porn star* Hello, can I help you?

Pete: Erm....actually, we 'ad an accident...it was blown up by cherry bombs...*laughs nervously, blushing profusely*

Salesman: Alright, I won't...anyway, are you looking for a temporary or a permanant replacement?

Salesman: Won't you please come inside? *pulls them into the building, which has loud porno music playing. They're surrounded by thousands upon thousands of sex toys, aides, videos, etc.* Now, we do have a nice rate on the temporary ones, and you won't have to make a commitment to any of them if you don't like them. Want something a bit different for a certain night, just strap another on!

Pete: Um....couldn't that get a bit expensive? And it wouldn't be rail, now would it? I wanna be able ta 'ave kids wiv one! Well, not WIV one, but...usin' it...*blushes harder, and slaps his forehead*

Salesman: Oh, well, if you want a real one, it's going to have to be a permanent one. Right this way, please...*leads them over to an area with a bunch of mojos behind glass* Now, we have a variety sizes, shapes, colors...do you have any personal preferences?

Pete: Well, um.....don't you have anything, um....bigger?

Pete: No, no, no! I jus' want a normal one! I dun't wanna be a fucking robot!!!

Pete: BIGGAH!

Pete: Money ain't no object for me, and if I say I want biggah....*picks the salesman up by his lapels* THEN YER GONNA GIVE ME BIGGAH!!!!!

Pete: *catches her, fanning her face till she wakes up* Ey....ey you....you mean ya don't want me ta have one that big?

Pete: Oh...*blushes* um...wew...why not pick out one that you can take on olright, then?

Pete: *helps her back up* Erm, yeh, olright, pick one out then....

Pete: Naw, seriously dear gahl, pick one....sooner we get one picked out, sooner we can go get married an'.....*grins dirtily*

Pete: Olright, you sure you loike it, cos it's gonna 'ave to last us the rest of our lives, ya know!

Salesman: Well, no, since they have to be installed surgically...the one you pick out, if you don't like it, has to be removed the same way and then you would have to pick out another one and have it put in and etc. etc.

Pete: Um....in that gonna HURT?!

Salesman: Well, yes, but...yes...

Pete: Yeh, but it's gonna hurt when I get up!!!

Salesman: Well, like your lady friend said, don't be a baby about it, this is something that will change your life forever!

Pete: *jaw drops*

Salesman: Yes, and then there's sales tax, but aside from that yes, 15,000 pounds because it not only covers the cost of the p****, but there also is the surgical cost, and the surgeon and anesthesiologist's fees, and then there's the costs for all the procedures and medications and everything, so yes, 15,000 pounds.

Pete: Well...........are you sure this is safe?

Salesman: Oh yes, perfectly safe. Loads of people have had it done, lots of them!

Salesman: Wellllllllllllll we've had 3 this past month already, but that's because sales have been slow. But all together we've had lots!

Salesman: Sorry, but I can't release that type of information; patient confidentiality clause!

Pete: *sighs, pulls out his wallet, and fills out a check for 15,000 pounds, and slaps it down on the desk* HERE. Now give me my fucking mojo!!!

Salesman: *picks up the check and kisses it before putting it in the cash register* Alright, if you'll just follow me into this back room here...oh yes, madame, have a seat out here, you'll only be waiting a couple of hours.

Salesman: Sorry, but you'll be able to see the finished product. Right this way sir...*leads Pete into the back room and locks the door behind him, pulling down the blinds on the window on the door*

Pete: *muffled yelling through the door* 'Ey, wot're ya strapping me down for?........wot're you doin' with the baseball bat?! *WHACK!* *silence*

*sound of a chainsaw being started up and whirring is heard*

Several hours later (well actually, around 9 pm that night)...

Salesman: *opens the door* Madame, you can come in and see your fiancée now...

Pete: *who has a morphine drip IV in his arm, is singing The Kids Are Alright at the top of his lungs, very out of key and sounding extremely drunk*

Pete: *slurring his speech* Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee......all the pretty colourrrsssssssss......

Salesman: *who had been trying to slip out the door unnoticed* Oh, yes, he's fine....

Salesman: Just effects of the drugs and after-surgery effect, is all!

Pete: Whoooooo are youuuuuuuu? *pointing to Aura*

Pete: Wassat?

Pete: *goes cross-eyed and passes back out*

Pete: *is totally out cold*

Salesman: Nothing's wrong with him, it's just the drugs effect...if we take him off the morphine, he's going to be in a LOT of pain...

Salesman: *getting shifty-eyed* I wasn't!

Salesman: Alright, alright, I'll take him off the drugs...*yanks the IV out of Pete's arm*

Salesman: Yes, but he'll be sober for you.

Pete: *starts moving about, moaning in pain even though he's only half-awake*

Pete: *clings to Aura, crying silently into her shoulder*

Salesman: He'll be okay in a few days, and in a couple weeks he'll be completely back to normal.

Salesman: Well, you could get him drunk and then get married to him today...

Pete: *shouts* IT 'URTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pete: *bawls like a big baby*

Salesman: You need to keep him on these pills (hands Aura a few bottles of antibiotics) and make sure he takes em according to the directions, and...you can take him home now. Try to keep him comfortable, don't let him do anything strenuous or lift anything heavy....but you need to drive him home. He's in no condition to drive.

Pete: *doubles over, clutching his crotch*

Pete: *nods* s'alright...

Pete: *crawls to the car cos he's in too much pain to get up and walk*

Pete: *mutters a load of obscenities under his breath as he lies out across the back seats*

Pete: *moans* Hellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllp......

Pete: We're all gonna die...

Pete: Oh lord save us all...*bashes his head on the window*

Pete: When are we gonna be hoooooooooooooome?!

Pete: *gets out and vomits*

Pete: *shakes head and pukes some more*

Jen: *hobbles over into the driveway on flimsy home-made crutches* Is he okay?

Pete: Git......OUT!!!! *barf*

Jen: Yeh, I never left...I hid on the side of the house till Peter went and gave my hiding spot away...*sighs*

Pete: *sits with his back against the car door* Aura....make 'er leave....plaise....

Pete: Cos she's the one that got me inta this 'ole mess!! *holds his stomach*

Pete: She's the one that threw the cherry bomb at me an' blew me mojo off....if that 'adn't 'appened i wouldn't be 'urting roight now!

Jen: No, 't was me.

Jen: *nods*

Jen: No, not John...Keith lives with John....and I already asked Rog....said he's got no room for someone to be living all the time in his house...

Jen: *sniffles* Keith said he "could never love a cripple"...

Jen: Well...hope you're happy Pete, you've got me out of yer hair forever now...*hobbles over to Aura and hugs her* Dammit I wish he hadn't done that...but since he did...*sighs* I'll be out on the street again, and I'm sure you'll know exactly where to find me....'m gonna miss ya, old buddy...

Pete: *eyes light up* She leavin?? For good?! I feel a million times bettah already!!! *jumps up and dances*

Pete: *looks up innocently* Wot?

Jen: *cries*

Pete: But...I...you...you can't do this to me! 'S all a conspiracy against ME!!!

Pete: *seeing as Aura's giving him "the eyes", he can't resist* No, I......I.....fuck......why'd ya 'ave to go an do that?!

Pete: *sighs* FINE, she can stay in the attic....that's better'n nothin', innit?

Jen: Yes, yes, it'll at least keep the rain out!! *smiles* Thank you sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!!!!!!!!! *kisses his hand repeatedly*

Pete: *yanks his hand away* Ewwww, 'm all contaminated wiv germs now!

Pete: Well, go on, git up there...but the rest of the house ain't yours, JUST the attic!!

Jen: thank you!! *grabs the holey sheet that was on the side of the house that she found and brings it up with her*

Pete: *sighs* 'Appy, luv?

Pete: GOOD. *leans back against the car, closing his eyes*

Pete: *nods*

Pete: *holds her close, practically melting in her arms* God, I love you...'ow bout we get married tomorrah?

Pete: We'll sneak off, just the two of us, and we'll get married in secret....and then....*laughs dirtily* shag shag shag!!

*suddenly, big explosion from Keith's house*

Pete: I don't know, but it sure as 'ell didn't sound good!

Pete: *eyes bug out of his head* I....I...I don't know...

Pete: OOOOOOHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Pete: *looks thru binoculars* An 'e's burnin' a voodoo doll!

Pete: *squints, trying to tell, then laughs*

Pete: *thru laughs* Nevahmind babe, it's neither of us...

Pete: *smirking* Yeh...

Pete: Wew, long as it ain't us! *kisses Aura*

Pete: What? Not like those things work anyway...

Pete: No...don't!

Pete: 'E's me mate, that's why!

Pete: Wew, yeh! Cowse I am! Why wouldn't I be?

Pete: Jus' cos I 'ate everyone else doesn't mean I 'afta 'ate 'im! I don't 'ate you, do I?

Pete: Nah, not Jun.....just Rog...

Pete: Wew, wot're we gonna do aftah we get done shaggin on our honeymoon? I mean, the 'Oo are all broken up now...wot'll we do? Wew, I mean, besides makin' our Townshendian army...*winks*

Pete: Yeah, remembah? Rog got a bug up, and so did Jun and Keef and yeh...we split

Pete: *hugs Aura* I'm sorry babe....

Pete: *sighs* I doubt that's gonna happen...

Pete: *looks back over at Keith's house, and the brandy wave is gone, bu his yard is flooded, and Keith is nowhere to be found* 'Ey, where's Keef?

Pete: Remembah, in the mornin! *smiles*

Pete: seriously though, where'd Keef go?

Pete: *watches horrified as Keith crashes through his roof* Olright, wankah!!!! Yer paying fer that!!!

Pete: *getting to his feet, yelling up into wherever in the house Keith went* YOU CAN AND YOU ARE, BASTARD!

Pete: No....jus' sore...

Pete: *sighs, shaking his head as he listens to Keith yell "AGGGHHHHH!!!!!! THE CRIPPLE!!!!!!" and then hear something falling down the stairs* I swear, I'm gonna kill 'im...

Pete: MOON! GIT OUT 'ERE NOW, WANKAH!!!!

Jen: OMG!!!!!! KEITH!!!!! *sits on the top stair and slides down the stairs on her bum, and throws herself on top of Keith* Speak to me!!!! *crying* PLEASE be okay!!!

Aura: I love you Peter!

PeterT: I love you too...*smiles*

Aura: Really? Yippee! He loves me!

Aura: Which is more than I can say for SOME people *cough* PETE! *cough*

Pete: Oh shaddup, I dun care wot you say anyway. Bitch gahl's still dyin', so's Rog, and so're you when I--oops, I weren't s'posed to say that much...*goes shifty-eyed*

Aura: *glares* When you WHAT?!?

Pete: Oh nothin, nothin....*hurries off*

PeterT: Where's he going?

Mike: Away. Far away.

Micky: Yeh! Road trip! Woog!

PeterT: What about everyone else?

Aura: We can pick 'em up along the way. C'mon lets go on a road trip!

Mike: Actually, the idea is to get as FAR away from him as possible, Aura. We should move altogether. Yer place is kinda burnt to a crisp now anyway, too...

Aura: Ah, good point. Who set it on fire anyway, I forgot!

Aura: Hey! Don't burn ANYTHING until I've checked it out!

PeterT: My Mommy says you should never play with fire

Aura: Well I have a Mummy not a Mommy so I don't have to listen!

Aura: Me too!

Pete: *sneaks back in while no one else is looking, and throws Jen's comatose body into a trunk and locks it, and starts hauling it off*

PeterT: Maybe they went off together! *grins oh so cutely*

Mike: *thinks* No...she was totally conked out...and Davy's over there, flirtin' with that guy in the drag...

Aura: Guy in drag? WHERE?!?

Mike: *points to Keith*

Pete: *hauls the trunk up into the back of his van and laughs evilly*

Aura: Oh Keith isn't in drag. He ALWAYS wears dresses!

Ringo: *moaning from off screen* Ohhhh, mummy!!!

PeterT: *checks watch* Oh yeh! It's almost time for Sesame Street!

Roger: OOOOOH!!!!! Can I watch too???

Micky: Aww, there's chicks wrestling naked in baked beans on now too though!

Roger: *ears perk up at the word "naked"* OOOOH!!!!! Fuck Sesame Street, I wanna watch HARDCORE NUDITY!!!!!!!!!!

Aura: *grins* C'mon, I'll SHOW you! *pulls PeterT off stage*

Roger: *looks around and waits till Peter seems safely gone, then flips on the porno channel* OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Micky: Yeh baby! *pulls his pants down*

Roger: *isn't even looking at what he's doing, and ends up wanking off Micky on accident instead of himself*

Micky: *moaning* Oh that's good babe, more more MORE!

Roger: *still is TOTALLY engrossed in the dirty flick on tv and continues giving Micky one hell of a handjob*

Aura: Like this! *rips Peters shirt open and starts kissing his chest* Pants off...

PeterT: But my mom always told me to leave my clothes on around the girls...

Aura: Well it's ok if they WANT you to take your clothes off!

PeterT: Well...as long as it's okay, then...ok!! *takes his clothes off shyly*

Aura: Fire! *grabs matches and burn his and her own clothes* No more clothes!

PeterT: *gets scared* Isn't that gonna start another fire???

Micky: *running his hands through Rogers hair* Harder you sexy bitch!

Aura: Nope! Controlled burning!