Thank you for looking at this first paragraph but really, this is going to be a waste of time for you. Every minute you waste your time reading this is another minute of your life. You probably have something more important to do like hang out the clothes, wash the dishes or watch the TV. But if you want to read on be my guest and welcome to this book of nothing. This is really written for those people who have time on their hands, those people who are usually ignored or looked over and those who are depressed but I don't really know how it is dedicated to them for this story is just plain stupid. If you are one of these well I'm very sorry to here that, but four words of comfort: You are not alone! Thank you for reading this paragraph!

Chapter One - the crappy chapter title and chapter also

Before I start the chapter you have to take note that this is a pretty crappy chapter title. You would think that I could have put it in another font or at least put more capital letters on the title. You would also think I could have even enlarged the title size. Well let me tell you on thing: I CAN'T BE BOTHERED! Really, who can? It's only a title. So what if an English teacher will come up to me and scream. So what if its boring and un-attractive but really, who can be bothered searching through all those fonts, lining up the sizes. Too much time. As I have learnt over the years with my older brother: minimum effort, maximum gain.

I know it's a pretty boring way to start off a story but if you look at all the great writers they have the introduction as an introduction to something. Wow who would have thought of that one. Usually introducing a character. Let me let you in on a secret though, I'm not a great writer, just an average boy with some time on my hands. So I'm not going to waste my time on writing an introduction on any characters or anything like that.

So what is this chapter going to be about if I'm not setting any intros on any characters? Well I haven't thought of that yet. I'm just writing as I go along. Why do I do this? Well because I'm not one of those great writers and those great writers always have one of those plan thingies called a character map and it takes them about 1.5 billion years just to think of all the personalities. Well not really 1.5 billion years because an average life span is about 86 in my country which I can't really remember the name for.

I think I really should asking those questions you know what I mean? It gets really repetitive and I don't really like repetitive things. Not sure about you but it's not my favourite thing in the world. Take a bird for example, a bird has its own call and it repeats it over and over again. I don't mind this but then again it can get annoying time after time.

Well I suppose you would have guessed by now this chapter was really a waste of time but you were wrong. Right now you are going to read what the rest of this book is about. It is about my thoughts of the world as a small person. It's a really new point of view here. Looking up at people. You'll find out what I mean.

If you dont like this book its about time to stop reading it. What else you going to do, stop me? Well read the facts, by the time your read this I would have finished the book. So sucked in!!!!! So put the book down slowly and walk away unless you want to read on, in that case be my guess and welcome to the next chapter!

ENJOY!

Chapter Two - words

Words are what we use every day. Words are what you are reading now. Words is what we talk with and what we listen to. But have you actually thought about the actual word? Like the history/ origin?

It's pretty weird if you think about it. Picture this a world with no words. Now how is the word invented? Think, a word has a meaning made out of words, now, if you want to make a word in a world where there's no words how would it be possible? Then you have to spread it over the world so every one knows the word. How weird, to make a word you need more words to make the meaning of the word, and more words to make the words for the meaning of the word! Confusing huh? Dont worry about it. But it just shows how much your think about words!

Words come in many sizes, like people, some are short, some are long, some are thin some are fat, and example of this is: Pannameetabusessatyllafinenasupraseatameetaparrabysarohipnabowlafeetanarrasudacodaniquafed (I thank the CD called Poop Chute written and performed by Mick Molloy and Tony Martin for this long word) this word is obviously a long one. There are short ones like: is or if you count letters: I, but obviously you don't need teaching on these this because your probably smart enough to know this anyway.

By the way if u memorise this next thing youre a genius: Pannameetabusessatyllafinenasupraseatameetaparrabysarohipnabowlafeetanarrasudacodaniquafed with added nillacodiptnaquallmeesaventahodeenzentalfifty and new antiquastingsistafed formula with hyposydeenparramusabowl and rybonasalhifftoemeenbaffuquistalnaving hybo hybo give it away give it away now five!

Now words can also be used to twist your tongue. Yes be afraid they take out their pincers which is made out of letters and they grab your tongue and twist it until you cant say no more. To test this theory I said the summoning spell of the tongue twisters this spell is: she sells sea shells by the sea shore or the crow flew over the river with a lump of red raw liver or red leather yellow leather or sheep sheep sheep. Repeat this 20 times and see what happens.

While on the topic of words, now don't cheat with this one, say out allowed silk silk silk and think silk. Now answer this what do cows drink? What did u get? If u got milk u need to think more clearly if u got water your very good if u got some thing else.. what the hell u thinking and what planet you come from.

Now that you know this vital information what are you going to do about it? Forget it like everyone does? I think you will, unless you don't. I hope you don't then you can go rambling on to one of your friends about words and confuse them, and you can go on and on and on.. but its kinda hard because its such a brief topic I mean it's going to get pretty boring after a while and you never know when someone will come up to you and hit you over the head cracking it open like.. well like a head cracking open.

Chapter Three - What tomorrow brings

This chapter is dedicated to those people who wake up and have something wrong with them or is about to have something wrong with them and they find out. No one really knows what the future brings, even with our current technology which people think is good but really, compared to something like the universe our technology is actually superseded. Take the weather man for example. Do you trust him with your weather reports. I don't. when he or she says the it's going to rain I expect a sunny day most of the time unless it is really obvious to the eye. To my opinion the weather man is probably one of the most hopeless people in the world, all he does is stand up there and says fictional things. It's such an easy job as well, even I can do it: the weather today is going to be hot with a very late thunderstorm!

No one know what tomorrow brings, neither does the weather man, but I could wake up with cancer for all I know or walk out side and some how end up under a bus, this is probably going to happen one day. The point I'm making is that everybody will get hurt at least once during their life time, even if its not as serious as the other ones. Pretty crap huh? Well it will happen one day and when it does, don't let it get you down, have more fun, live recklessly, go to the edge! But what ever you do, don't go out into the middle of a field with a huge pole in the middle of a thunder storm. Trust me its bad for your health!

Actually your health is probably pretty important to you well heres some tips for you and this will help you until the next day, some times!

1) Don't go out into the middle of a field with a huge pole in the middle of a thunder storm

2) Don't try to fly with out any machines or anything and don't do what The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy tells you which is throw yourself at the ground with your full body weight and miss.

3) Don't go bungee jumping without a bungee chord, for the bungee chords are very useful at times

4) Try not to drink water that is brown, if you dont have to, but if you do. DAMN!

5) Wear sun screen!

This may sound odd but most people know about one thing, wear sunscreen. By listening to a lot of songs and lots of people rambling on I have come up with one thing: Sun screen is a miracle cream. This cream mainly protects you from things you can't see. These are called UV rays, I thought it stood for Understanding Velvet Rays but was I wrong! You all know the real thing, if not it's Ultra Violet Rays. Well I was close! Yes always wear sunscreen, but be warned it will not stop you from getting hit by a bus! That brings me to my next point:

6) Don't stand in the middle of a road spinning round like an idiot for that means you are an idiot!

Sorry to those people who have those problems and I hope you will get better or technology will find a cure, but try not to get your hopes up, look at the weather man.

Chapter Four - the chicken or the egg?

The answer to this life long debate is so easy that I shouldn't even answer it! Well ok it wasn't that easy so I might as well answer it for you people out there. It's the egg! Its so simple! Now your probably wondering how the egg got there. Well the theory, my theory and man others, say that the egg mutated from another birds egg and became a new species called the chicken. Now do you see how it's done? It was another egg all along, I didn't know how you people didn't see that, well not really see, think it because its so simplistic, but I guess the answer was so crap that is was craptastic.

What is craptastic? It's a new word I made up. I couldn't be bothered looking up fantastic in the thesaurus so I could find the direct opposite so I made up a new word, craptastic, it's like fantastic except it being really really good its really really crap! Other words I have come up with is craptacular from spectacular and both means the extreme crap! ( these are not real words as stated above and don't look em up in the dictionary!)

Well now that I think I've solved the chicken or the egg crisis I think I shall tell you some thing that you might have known or might not have know: Chickens can't fly because they are fat! How cool is that, they can float, hover but not fly! And when you cut off its head it will run around for 5 minutes before it dies. Well there you go, you never thought a chicken could be so interesting did you? Well if you did your too smart for me!

That life long debate for me was easy but what I ask you is this question: Which one's better, the chicken or the egg? It's probably easy as well but I never found out the actual answer. You guys seem smart enough, what do u think and list down the reasons why then compare them to the other one. Why am I asking you to do it? Because I'm too lazy! If you think about it, it's a pretty good question because every bodies views are different! But excluding taste and smell makes it way to easy I mean compare it up:

Chicken	Egg
Used in a lot of cooking	You can throw it at people
Doesn't break easily	Used in a lot of cooking
Runs around when its head is chopped off	It doesn't leave feathers or poop every where
It's fat	You can eat it or drink it raw
It cant fly!	And it sticks to cars and takes paint off

Now really these are only just a few points there are heaps more and it's up to you to find them but what I mean by compare is this, they are both used in a lot of cooking but the chicken doesn't break easily and who ever heard of a person trowing a chicken at a person instead of an egg? But that would be pretty funny:

we're out of eggs boss what do we do?

throw the chickens!

And on the receiving end it will be like this:

oh no, we are being chickened, look at the mess its making!

Then you must take into account that a live chicken will probably stop at ten meters because it's very light, fat and it flaps a lot!

Chapter Five - life being short

All you tall people have you ever know what its like to be shorter than every one? Have you ever wondered whats it like to have to look up at people? Trust me, it's a whole new world down here. Try it one time, just bend your knees and lower your hight a little, say two heads maybe one and a half, and see what people you know looks like from down here. It's really weird trust me.

To always look up at a person and instead of seeing their eyes, seeing right up their nostrils, now that's a sight! One thing to say: It's a gold mine in there! This is true probably half the time, always looking up just to see the two holes to a nose. The twin black holes I would call them but they aren't really black fore you can see right up them and probably count the hairs right up the nose!

Obviously small people are over looked, and this some times can lead to being ignored by other people. Taller people usually use their heights to shield us small people out, but let me tell you one thing. For all you guys out there be warned. You may have our small people heads at a slapping or punching height but we have one thing to our advantage to our height. (I thank the movie Australian Rules for this) We call it the squirrel tackle. Now what do squirrels go for? Nuts. Now what we do is grab the nuts and squeeze real hard and twist at the same time. Let me tell you, this hurts a lot!

Tall people aren't that bad, it's the people that has no consideration for small people that are bad, so all those kind tall people out in the world, you don't have to worry because we won't hurt you unless we have a very good reason to. So all those mean tall people out there, better watch out because: We know where you live!

A real lesson to be learnt is that if your short, and you go to a theme park or a fun park, make sure you're the right hight for all the roller-coasters you go on, for it shall hurt if your under the height limit.. trust me. Another tip is that wearing platform shoes are not very good. Sure they make you higher, sure if you fall in a pool, river, lake they become extra heavy and sure you tend to drown faster since it's harder to kick off!

Being short ain't all that bad though, there's also an up side, like there usually is with all things. When you're being chased by some one, sure they have longer legs but the advantage is that you don't have to duck when a bar comes head hight to a normal person. There are also other bonuses like that you won't have a big distance to fall there for it won't hurt as much when you get back up, sorry if you get back up.

It's not true if taller people say we are the odd ones out because they are wrong, even though there are more of them, they are the ones that are the odd one out. Make sense? I suppose not, but don't worry about it for you are not the only one out there. It may seem like it, but you're not. Trust me. The world is a big place, big enough for all of us, maybe.

Just remember that there are mean people but the majority is favouring the kind people. Even some tall people are kind, but they can sometimes forget about us that's why we must some times grab their attention, like spraying them in the eyes with pepper spray. That should work.

Chapter Six - the opposite gender

Over the many years of listening to people, I have come to the conclusion that no matter how hard one person tries, that person will never understand the opposite gender. For an example a girl might want a guy to be nice to her and say the straight truth about being nervous and all, and when it happens the girl thinks he read her diary or something and she slaps him in the face. I mean what the? If she wants him to be like that, and when he finally does he gets hit. Another example is why do guys never admit to something due to pride, say like he's lost and a girl asks him if he needs help and the guy will probably say no, no matter how lost he really is or a guy won't ask a girl out because he is scared of being bagged out by his friends.

All of these questions will probably never be answered for the capability of the human mind is not strong enough to cope with the answer. Just kidding! I have no clue to why we cannot understand the other gender, I guess it's just human nature. I suppose that if we go up to a girl or boy and ask him or her why s/he did that, s/he will probably get offended or they would not know either.

The opposite gender can be an interesting thing if your think about it, not intended in a sick kind of way for all those dirty minded people out there. Sometimes I really want to know what makes them tick, and for some reason I don't think it will be the body clock, though it is a clock.

If you really think about it though, boys and girls are not that much different, aside from the obvious features, but I mean personality. The girl will sometimes act like a boy, and visa versa, a boy will some times act like a girl. For instance, in todays world boys and girls both enjoy horrific violence on TV from time to time, or that boys are paying more attention to their hair more than ever. But sometimes there are the extremes (cross dressing for example). Cross dressers, where would society be today without them?

When attracted to the opposite gender, the person will do something to stick-out, like standing in-front of a car moving 60 km/h, well not that obsessive more like buying them flowers, dressing up real nice, using de-odorant that no one likes including the person your trying to impress and you become very friendly with the person, very very friendly.